I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
