This house was built for laser tag.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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