i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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