that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They have beer where we have blood.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize