I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
