So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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