If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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