he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
