you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bring money and cleavage
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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