K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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