You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't deserve a penis
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
