You really coming over, don't trick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
