Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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