your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
