Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i think my cat just said my name.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize