New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
