The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
