Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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