Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
