11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
