My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I believe in your delicious
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize