a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
