i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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