I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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