it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
