I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
