i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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