I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
