You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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