whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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