I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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