I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize