I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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