I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
