Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
