I hope mine doesn't look like that
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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