I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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