what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
