i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
