nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
