marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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