Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
