Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
