Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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