Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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