When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
