I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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