He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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