you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
