please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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