theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I forget how to act sober
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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