All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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