im drinking this country out of the recession.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
