I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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