So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
