handjob tips. give me some.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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