I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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