Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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