I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize