I faked an abortion last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
