Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
