Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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